One by One

Music has an other-worldly quality to me. This song by Enya is so beautiful - it is like she reaches into my soul and pulls out everything I mean. She can sort out what it means to be Roxy on days when I cannot. Enya is not the only one (and I promise, most are less typically *~spiritual~*). So I thought I would post this song for you all to contemplate with. You can ignore the video...heh.

What does it mean to be Roxy today, while listening to this?

To begin, this class has got me thinking A LOT. A whole lot. What is my inner spirituality? In what do I believe and what does my soul really connect to?

I love meditation. But for some reason, I continue to wake up depressed from it. I cannot blame all of these sentiments on meditation - I recently just attempted to take myself off of anti-depressants (giving up on this for now), recently went through some issues with my boyfriend, and am a Floridian trying to survive her third winter. All of these have taken a toll on me. So maybe I am sad after meditation because I have trouble finding the "pure joy" buried in us all - my sadness creates too large of a blockade.

But when I meditate, I don't feel sad. I feel calm, content, I feel kind of excited, kind of awesome. But then I wake up and feel overwhelmed with sadness. That's not supposed to happen. Do I just feel upset to leave my mind and wake up to the "real world"?

I don't mean to sound down, I am still very optimistic about meditation and look forward to beginning the program tomorrow. I suppose what I am saying...is sometimes meditation does what you don't expect it to. It reveals what you are feeling deep down. It is like a psychoanalyst, but needs no physical speech, or concentrated thoughts. I wish I could *exhale* whatever ill thought is going on in my head away, but I don't think that is right. Sometimes it is okay to keep our problems with us, and work through them in time.

I am curious if anyone relates to what I am saying, definitely feel free to comment. :)

On a completely separate note, I want to discuss the "guru" aspect of meditation. I find practically everything else in the Meditation book relatable, inspiring, or exciting to incorporate. But I am having trouble with the gurus. I even found the section on it to be quite confusing, as though she was hesitant whilst writing it. Is it just me?

Who can explain this better to me?

What is a person who really prefers to not think of a single higher power to do? I know with my beliefs I could focus on "positive energy" or nature; but it sort of bothered me that she did not even suggest how to work with those kinds of things, you know? Also, what are we to do as students very new to spirituality for the teacher-guru aspect? When I really thought about it, the best idea that came to me was Patrick Wolf - he is my favorite musician and has truly influenced my spirituality within the past seven years of my life, even though that was really not his intention...

Basically - I am wondering what you guys do in terms of gurus, and what you thought of the book's explanation? I really want to see meditation as seriously as possible in the next three weeks, and definitely want to try incorporating those aspects!

Thanks for reading, and see you tomorrow :D x Roxy